Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Better Know A Hero: Captain America

2 Guys Buying Comics has been apprised of the fact that a good portion of our visitors are just getting back into comics. We now present the second installment of our weekly feature, Better Know A Hero.

Name: Captain America

Also Known As: Sentinel of Liberty, Star-Spangled Avenger, Shield-Slinger

Origin: Injected with an experimental Super-Soldier serum in WWII, Cap was frozen in a block of ice after falling into the ocean whilst taking out a Nazi missile. That alone would be one of the best origin stories ever, but it gets better --- he's discovered by the Avengers and thawed out 20 40 60 years later, and continues to fight for the ideals and principles of freedom and, um, goodness.

Powers: Incredible strength, stamina, and reflexes, top-notch fighting skills. Immune to poisons, most diseases, and sarcasm. Probably the only guy on Earth who can get away with giving orders to Wolverine and calling him "son". Also has an almost supernatural inspiration over other heroes, many of whom would throw their own mother off a building rather than let down Captain Freakin' America.

How's the Costume?: Iconic and old-school. If you can't get behind a dude in blue chainmail, a big letter "A" on his forehead and wings on the side of his head AND flared red pirate boots, then I'm not sure we can be friends, mmmkay? Plus, he carries a shield that just happens to be the single coolest accessory in comics, period.

Alter Ego: Steve Rogers, which perfectly embodies the "everyman" vibe that Cap has. It's not much of an alter ego anymore, since everyone and their brother knows who Cap is. No, don't think too hard about how that idea fits in with Civil War.

Home Cookin': Remember, this is Marvel, so Cap lives in New York City.

Chillin' At The Crib: Ostensibly he lives in a supersecret warehouse in New York that's made to look like a burnt-out building on the outside by using holographic projectors. He also works out of the S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier a lot, because let's face it: supersecret warehouses just aren't all that sexy.

Can He Fight?: He's the best, hands down. He may not have frickin' laser beams shooting out of his eyes or webbing pouring out of his wrists, but in hand-to-hand combat he's unequaled. Also has the best combat move of all time, the patented Ricocheting The Shield Off Of Bad Guys Noggins™. That shield? Is. Awesome. Few sound effects can rival "SPANGGG!"

Allies: Most of S.H.I.E.L.D., the Falcon, Nick Fury, Sharon Carter, the government, Thor, Iron Man ... You know what? Let's stop before this gets too depressing.

Enemies: Ex-Nazis with crimson craniums, current Nazis of any color, military-industrial conglomerates whose employees dress like beekeepers, monster-themed terrorist organizations, mental organisms designed only for killing. Also: Iron Man.

Symbol: It's all about the shield, baby.

Family Matters: Eh, not much to speak of. I suppose the closest we got was Bucky Barnes, Cap's WWII boy sidekick who was presumed dead but really resurrected into a Russian cyborg assassin. So, there's that, anyway.

Might Be Cool To: Attend 4th of July celebrations with. Get his autograph. Play frisbee with the shield. Have him record DVD commentary for Saving Private Ryan.

Under No Circumstances: Attempt to convince him that making all superheroes government employees might actually have some benefits for the greater good. Tease him about the head-wings. Ask him about his big-band music collection.

Annual Performance Review: Well, it's been a rough year for Cap, because... well, you know. Now he's in jail awaiting God knows what. Also, while not dealing with the whole Civil War thing, he's coming to terms with the fact that Bucky's back, the Red Skull keeps staying one step ahead of him, and Nick Fury's still missing. We did see a nice team-up with Union Jack and Spitfire, though. Still, all in all, Cap would probably rather forget 2006 ever happened.

What Makes Him So Special, Anyway?: Captain America is the hero's hero, a symbol of everything that makes a hero one of the good guys. This guy is so awesome that every other superpowered freak looks up to him --- and at the core, he's still just a regular joe who happened to get some steroids about 60 years before professional athletes ruined it for everybody. He's also one of most consistently nice heroes ever depicted in comics. If you met him in real life, he'd probably spend 6 hours talking about whatever you wanted to, accommodating requests for autographs, buying you dinner, then apologize for taking up so much of your time.

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Blogger kyle-latino said...

Yeah, all that, and he doesn't cry half as much as Superman.

10:40 PM  
Anonymous plok said...

Thing I like about Cap: somewhere there's a comic I remember reading (possibly written by J.M. DeMatteis) where some bad guys just give up to him. One bad guy says: "we can take him!", but another bad guy says "what, Captain America? He saved my Dad's life in the war, now you want me to fight him?...okay, Cap, I give up, man."

CAP: "Say, you look kinda familiar, son."

BAD GUY: "My Dad was Corporal Johnson, 117th Division...don't know if you ever met him, Cap..."

CAP: "Why sure I met him, ol' "Jackie" Johnson...real nice fellow, always with the crazy hep handshakes...jazz lover, as I recall, we had that in common...Mr. BeBop, they called him...say, why don't you hand me over those Electro-Gloves now, they're not gonna get you anywhere..."

BAD GUY: "Am I going to jail, Cap?"

CAP: "Well, that depends, son...you think you can do some good in your neighbourhood?"

BAD GUY: "Gee, I sure can! Dog my cats!"

CAP: "Well all right then. Hey, now that I think about it, if you've got a saxophone back at your place, I'd sure love to hear you play some of your Dad's old tunes...been a while since I heard le vrai jazz..."

BAD GUY: "Hey, sure thing! Jimmy, you got any homebrew left at your place, man?"

JIMMY: "I'm telling you Ben, we can take this old dude!"

BAD GUY: "Don't pay any attention to him, Cap...he's a good guy, really..."

CAP: "Sure, sure...'course he is. Hey...chip? Betcha can't eat just one..."

Well, that was DeMatteis' Cap. Pretty good, huh? Didn't even need to kick fifty guys' asses every five seconds.

As I recall, though, Captain Canuck used to beat the hee-yell out of people for the flimsiest of reasons...

9:04 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Kyle: Totally.

Plok: That's an awesome story. You're right, that's EXACTLY why Cap rules.

(Well, that and the shield.)

10:15 AM  
Blogger MD said...

That's a very nice profile. I'd like to ad, from what I've heard, Cap smells like spearmint gum.

It's nice to see you guys back, btw.

3:42 PM  

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