New Joe Mondays 2/19

Every Friday, Newsarama slaps on a fresh coat of chapstick, buys a new dress and sidles up to Marvel's E-i-C for a little "Q & A". On Mondays, we here at 2 Guys Buying Comics will translate some of the bullshit pandering hucksterism interview for you good people. Some text has been edited for brevity's sake. You can reference the actual article at Newsarama here.

NRAMA: Speaking of JMS and one of this other now former titles, Joe, we thought it was going to be a mystery until the release of the issue, but your solicits for the last couple of months (particularly for May) make it abundantly clear the new line-up for the Fantastic Four is Ben, Johnny, Black Panther, and Storm...

JQ: This has been in the works since the very first meeting about Civil War. It was the very same one that had Joss Whedon show up on his white horse and helped us hone our ending.

Translation: Black Panther needed a push, so we shoehorned him and Ororo into FF. Did I use "hone" correctly in that sentence?

Commentary: @#$! Whedon and the "white horse" he rode in on. The Fantastic Four ain't the same without Reed and Sue, and I've got the She-Hulk/Ghost Rider/Spidey FF issues to prove it. This will end by the time the movie is released, with a superduper "reconciliation" issue that month. I will bet anyone a thousand dollars this will happen.

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NRAMA: Any clues as to where we'll see Reed and/or Sue next?

JQ: The simple answers are as follows - Sue and Reed don't have to be on the team in order to be in the book

Translation: We're hedging our bets.

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NRAMA: Since you brough it up, as Tom Brevoort mentioned last week, Civil War #7 is away at the printers.

JQ: Tom Brevoort was literally skipping from office to office with printed copies of issue #7, he placed one on everyone’s desk as proof positive that the book was done which is a good thing because up until that point none of us believed him.

Translation: Tom "Meat Shield" Brevoort will take every single bullet shot my way because I am the Goddamn Quesada. Man! Can you believe what a bunch of late, irresponsible sonsabitches we have around here at Marvel? They're so wacky! And at fault!

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NRAMA: Oh yeah, sorry. With both World War Hulk and the X-event, (does it have a name?) are…the "reigns" tighter, that is, that chances of Civil War-size delays are being minimized? If so, how

JQ: We certainly think so and we believe it will all go off without a hitch, but you can never foresee if the train is going to fall of the tracks this far into the game.

Translation: I have no idea. I just work here, ya know!

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NRAMA: Speaking of which then, thoughts about a “war” event from DC after and before your “war” events?

JQ: Are you referring to DC’s announcing their “World War” thing after Civil War’s success and a several months after our announcing our next big storyline, World War Hulk?... That said, I guess no one can ever complain or throw accusations about our Identity Disc mini series from several years back anymore.

Translation: Suck it, DC! And Identity Disc was awful, but I'm self-deprecating, so it's OK!

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Q: shane_man - I'm really glad Marvel & DB Pro have started publishing XIII trade paperbacks in English, I bought the first one and am looking forward to Volume 2. However I've noticed that the translation in quite a few places is off, leading to some sentences just not making sense. Will the editing (or whatever led to these errors) be better for future volumes?

JQ: Translations are always tricky, shane_man, and can pose a variety of challenges, especially for a small publisher. However, the Dabel Bros are taking extra steps to make sure the translation quality of future volumes improve.

Translation: Also, it's entirely Tom Brevoort's fault.

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Q: “seanmac81” - Hey Joe. There's a really long thread on this somewhere in Newsarama's Marvel message boards but I thought I'd see if I could get your opinion. Where do you think Wolverine ranks in the Marvel Universe in terms of fighting ability? At times he is portrayed as an incredibly skilled martial artist but at other times he is little more than a brute who ends up getting beaten to a pulp. Does it depend on who's writing him?

JQ: I’m usually terrible with questions like this, seanmac81, because it’s always so subjective. In my mind, Wolverine is an incredibly skilled warrior, but he also has this berserker thing that comes up from time to time that makes him undisciplined and perhaps, out of control. And yes, I can’t deny that in the hands of different writers over the years that there may not be some differences subtle and otherwise.

Translation: You can't possibly expect me to take a public position on such an important issue. Plus, I haven't seen Loeb's issues yet, so I'm not sure what he's like this month.