Sacred Cow, Medium Rare Please!

Right, so, about that whole Batman: Year One thing.

And yes, I realize that I'm about to critique a 20 year old comic without saying anything that hasn't been said before somewhere. Just another day in the comicsblogoweb.

A friend of mine recently saw Batman Begins, and was duly impressed by it. I mentioned that the movie used some elements of Frank Miller's Batman: Year One, and he asked to borrow it.

Being the Ambassador O' Comics that I am, I lent it to him, but decided to give it a quick reread just for old times' sake.

Yeah, that was probably a mistake.

Because Batman: Year One is deeply, deeply flawed as a comic, moreso than I remember it being when I first read it oh, about 15 years ago.

The main problem for me is, B:YO doesn't have much of a plot, per se. I mean, there's no real throughstory for our titular (Hi, Googlers!) hero, it reads like more of a series of interesting vignettes that take place over Bruce Wayne's first year as Batman.

And I guess on it's own merits that's OK --- maybe even the point --- but it's terribly unsatisfying as a story. Miller's noir dialogue is pitch-perfect (no surprises there), but it's shouting in an empty room; there's no purpose, no narrative momentum to carry these moments forward. And that, friends, does not a good comic make.

In fact, what I was most surprised at was the fact that Jim Gordon is by far the most interesting character in the series, which is odd seeing as how it isn't titled Commissioner Gordon: Year One. In fact, Gordon's the only one that actually comes off as being a "real" person, with depth of character and dramatic conflict.

In other words, Bruce summoning bats with a frequency emitter is cool --- but Gordon agonizing over betraying his pregnant wife resonates. The former makes for a great splash page; the latter makes for a great character.

And I guess that's my issue; I didn't remember Batman being this devoid of character in this series. Bruce is still largely a cipher, despite the "finding-my-way" dialogue and asides with Alfred.

Oh, and Selina and her annoying sidekick? Unnecessary and wholly irrelevant to the already paper-thin plot.

Look, there are some really bright spots to this comic. David Mazzuchelli's artwork (and the Richmond Lewis coloring specifically) does some amazing things on the page, and if it's murky in places, well it's Gotham, innit? And as I mentioned, Miller's self-doubting noir internal monologues are best-in-class (at least, they were back when this was written anyway, before Frank Miller morphed into Crazy Uncle Freddie Who Probably Shouldn't Be Left Alone With The Children Because, You Know).

But I think part of the reason I liked Batman Begins so much is because it actually bothered to string a plot to tie around all these moments that Miller gave us; structure to the narrative; and, of course, Michael Caine.

(Side Note: Michael Caine immediately ups the watchability rating of any movie he's in, even --- particularly --- the shitty ones. This is fact, and not up for debate.)

So I'll calmly and quietly (shaddup!) accept the fact that Batman: Year One isn't quite the sacred cow that a lot of people make it out to be (few comics are, really).

Still. That whole bat-summoning thing? Awesome.

Better Know A Hero: Batman

2 Guys Buying Comics has been apprised of the fact that a good portion of our visitors are just getting back into comics. We now present the first installation of our weekly feature, Better Know A Hero.

Name: Batman

Also Known As: Dark Knight, Caped Crusader, "World's Greatest Detective", which makes the Sherlock Holmes Fan Club pee-yossed.

Origin: Saw his parents get gunned down in an alley when he was a wee bairn. Traveled the world learning how to fight and inventing gadgets with his zillions of dollars, now wages a not-very-smart-strictly-from-a-numbers-perspective one man war on crime.

Powers: Brilliant powers of detection, hand-to-hand fighting, Bat-themed vehicles and gadgetry, paranoia so extreme he makes Josef Stalin look like Santa Claus.

How's The Costume?: It's the single coolest flying-mammal-themed costume ever.

Alter Ego: Bruce "Sugar Daddy" Wayne, billionaire playboy with a penchant for supermodels, heiresses, other billionaires, and adopting teenage boys.

Home Cookin': Lives in Gotham, which has an abundance of Gothic art deco architecture, no middle class to speak of, and exports reservoir-poisoning psychopaths the way Idaho exports potatoes.

Chillin' at the Crib: Resides in Stately Wayne Manor™, which is usually depicted as a mansion roughly the size of Sweden. Works out of a high-tech cave that contains, among other things, a supercomputer, a dinosaur, a giant penny, what one assumes is an astounding amount of bat guano, and that's just the foyer.

Can He Fight?: Are you kidding me? Is one hella good martial artist. Like, "routinely takes down twelve guys armed with pipes and revolvers with a few roundhouse kicks and a stare" good. And that's before we get to him flinging batarangs, smoke bombs, paper clips, monkey teeth, explosive croissants, parakeets, and God knows what else he keeps in the utility belt.

Allies: Sidekick Robin, who historically has been a progression of the aforementioned teenage boys. Geriatric Police Commissioner Gordon, evergreen butler/tailor/mechanic/cook/utility infielder Alfred Pennyworth. "Friend with benefits" Catwoman.

Enemies: Clowns, penguins, frozen guys, scarecrows, disfigured ex-District Attorneys, sunshine, rainbows, lollipops.

Symbol: Only the single best logo ever, which DC refuses to put back on his chest because they hate me.

Family Matters: Adopted circus acrobat Dick Grayson as a boy who became Nightwing, took in juvenile delinquent Jason Todd who he got killed, and adopting Tim Drake. Also "slipped one past the goalie" in a dalliance with Talia Al'Ghul, daughter of criminal mastermind and a right nasty bitch in her own right. Their son Damien recently showed up and raised a ruckus, but he's gone now for the time being, along with the heavy-handed symbolic name.

Might Be Cool To: Have him drop in on your boss at home and scare him into giving you a raise. Take the Batmobile through Taco Bell drive-in. Get a research grant from. Slap.

Under No Cirmustances: Tell him a secret, because Batman is exactly the kind of person who, upon finding out that you sleep with "Tuffy" the stuffed bear every night, devise an emergency plan to animate "Tuffy" while you're asleep and have him steal all your pants. In case, you know, you turn evil. Imply that "sliding down the Batpole" is code for anything.

Annual Performance Review: Well, he did build a satellite to spy on everyone on earth that ended up creating killer cyborgs. Before Infinite Crisis he was a paranoid douchelord, but then he took a totally platonic and not-suspicious-in-any-way yearlong cruise with Tim and Dick and so now he's just a garden variety badass type-A personality again, with a focus on detectin'.

What Makes Him So Special, Anyway?: Putting aside the fact that he's been around for 60-odd years and is a legend among legends, he is the Goddamned Batman. If you met him in real life you'd probably soil yourself and immediately confess to the Lindbergh Baby Kidnapping.