Civil War Plans And Limited Fun With Anagrams

When I first heard about Civil War, I thought Marvel Comics was adapting Ken Burns' PBS miniseries about the American Civil War, and this popped into my head (click for larger view):


Thanks to Jake over at Ye Olde Comick Booke Blogge for the Photoshop work.

Instead, we're getting an exciting, dynamic story about federal agency oversight committees. Sigh. I'm giving this book every chance to win with me, though. Mainly because it's a win-win situation; either it's a good comic and I get to enjoy it, or it's a bad comic and 2GBC readers will reap the snark rewards.

Just in case, though, 2 Guys Buying Comics will feature a running commentary for each issue in the style and tone of the aforementioned PBS special. That's right: Marvel's Civil War, filtered through Ken Burns. Letters! Photos! If only Jason Robards was alive to do voiceover work reading Captain America's narration panels! As always, this could be comics blogging gold, it could suck giant polar bear genitals (welcome, Googlers!). YOU decide!

Plus, the fact that if everything shakes out right the Civil War #1 review will be this blog's 200th post is kind of depressing me.

So, with the help of the Internet Anagram Server, I thought I'd plug in a few of our favorite targets writers and see if we can glean any hidden messages in their names! The results were...mixed, at best.

Let's start with Geoff Johns; the most appropriate one I found was JEFF, GOSH NO! Which pretty much sums up how I feel about Infinite Crisis at this point. (And yes, I know he spells his name differently.)

(Side note: I think Gail Simone's Villains United Special should have been Infinite Crisis #6. Discuss.)

Moving on, I see that Ed Brubaker's name can only be a coded message to tell us that under his watch Wolverine will soon become soft and kind and nice to strangers, and may even start putting dryer sheets in his laundry to make them smell like lilies, because DARK BUB ERE.

(Either that or Ed's real name is DEBRA BURKE. We should ask.)

Watch out, Blighty! Keep Kurt Busiek (Hi, Kurt!) off the subway, because he's a UK TUBE RISK!

(Side note: Do you think that when Kurt Busiek sits down to write he goes into a meditative trance and imbues himself with The Spirit Of Good Comics, or is it more like bourbon? And do you think he and Chuck Austen were split in a Star Trek-like transporter accident, with Good Comics Writer adopting the name "Kurt Busiek" and Generally Disappointing Comics Writer... well... you know. Again, we should ask.)

Mark Millar is in actuality AN ARM KRILL! Help! The Arm Krill are coming!

(Side note: Yeah, I have no idea what that means, but YOU try finding a quasi-humorous anagram with two 'M's, two 'R's and two 'L's to work with. I bleed for you people!)

We should have know all along that Grant Morrison was really MR. ROARING SNOT, which if I'm not mistaken is either A) an X-Men villain, B) one of Morrison's "lost" Doom Patrol heroes, or C) his real name. And yes, any of those answers is acceptable. It's Grant Morrison.

Finally, we turn to Brian Michael Bendis who, these days, seems like everything he writes is A BENDABLE CHRIS MINI, by which of course I mean that the issues are bended and folded from the hand wringing I do when I realize how much I've spent on yet another issue of the God-Damned New Avengers™.

(Oh yeah, that's what I'm calling it from now on, and you can't stop me.)

All this, of course, was simply a way for me to take my mind off the impending Civil War. Dear God, it's almost upon us. Let it be good.

And Lord, if it's not, please raise Jason Robards from the dead. Heck, do that anyway; he was awesome in All The President's Men.