Chris' Reviews 5/3

The Infinite Crisis review took a lot out of me --- thankfully, I only have two other non-event books to review this week. As always true believers, Massive Spoilers Ahoy!

DETECTIVE COMICS #819

So, we turn the corner in this 8 part story and we get Batman and Robin continuing to put the pieces together; the evidence is starting to suggest that the Penguin of all people may have something to do with this, and the Dynamic Duo get in a tussle with Killer Croc before discovering that someone has sent Orca to the great Water-Themed Amusement Park In The Sky.

That's all well and good, but the Jason Bard backup story is really where the plot starts to come together, as he interviews Orca's husband and learns of key pieces to the puzzle that is "Face the Face". (Namely, that all the villains killed thus far were working for Penguin but secretly turning against him to work for a mysterious shadowy new person.)

At the end, Mr. Orca is shot by The Tally Man.

(Must... repress... Azrael ...memories ...comics....so bad....AAAARGH!)

That's right, the Tally Man. Who appears to shoot Bard, but it's one of those typical "panel with a gun barrel firing without any context whatsoever", so it's up in the air.

(Side Note: they could have made the last panel so much cooler if instead of pointing the gun at Bard and saying "I'm the Tally Man" he had said "I'm the Tally Man. And I'm going to tally your bananas!")

Oh, I almost forgot, we get a scene of Harvey What Blew Up His Own Apartment Last Issue in a cheap motel...talking to his alter-ego Two Face in the mirror. Oh, it is on.

Solid fight scene, nice plot development, more detecting, and that familar warm blanket feeling of a classic Batman story in the making. Plus, those covers are outstanding.

Best Moment: "Messed around with genes from killer whales---who the hell does that?!?" --- Jason Bard, quickly on his way to becoming my favorite member of the Bat-family.

Worst Moment: Day-O!

Comic Book Goodness: 4/5. It's Batman comfort food, and it's a darn good comic. If you've been wondering for the past few years when Batman would stop being such a self-involved asswipe, this series is it.

MARVEL TEAM-UP #20

Ummm.....what?

I'm sorry, there must have been some sort of mix-up at the printers. See, they put a Marvel Team-Up cover on 22 pages of unfiltered manure.

They have a "fight" between Captain America and MODOC agents, in which he acts like a 3rd Degree Moron and loses the Ring of Cosmic Cube-ness. But it's an important fight, because it's the last time you'll see a superhero in this issue.

That's because all the pages that come next detail the life of a twenty something loser and his loser friends who find the ring made out of Cosmic Cube shards.

They do "funny" things like make food, money, and wading pools appear like magic in their apartment using the ring.

They also have an entire page worth of panels devoted to a conversation about how Main Loser Guy brings his own syrup to the diner because it's better than the diner's syrup.

They also have a "subplot" that involves Main Loser Guy getting hit on by the waiter at the diner, and "dramatic tension" over whether or not they'll go on a date. "Spoiler" alert: they do.

They also have a scene on the cover that doesn't appear in the "comic".

Kirkman, enough. If you're tired of writing this comic, then fine. Leave. You gave us 15 or so great issues, and if there's nothing left in the tank, then that's OK---just tell us. But do NOT shit out a comic like this again.

You do not have the luxury, when I'm paying 3 bucks a comic, to use up a whole issue with oblique uninteresting setup. Bendis has that luxury, but that's because nobody expects anything good from him anymore, and most people are buying his stuff out of habit or the law of averages at this point anyway.

Best Moment: Oh, fuck off.

Worst Moment: Pages 1 through 22 are all equally to blame.

Comic Book Goodness: 0/5. Compared to this issue, the New Avengers is Shakespeare. C'mon, Kirkman! We know you can do better!