Wednesday, April 12, 2006

How Heroic Are You? (DC Edition)

OK, true believers, I've found myself in an unusual predicament.

I have NO new comics this week.


I mean, I still have my comics from last week to pick up, and I'll certainly get those reviewed (here at 2GBC, our motto is: "Eventually I'll Get Around To It, Now Stop Pestering Me!").

But I have nothing new on my pull list this week. So I'm making up for lost time.

I'm going back and getting more issues of Joe Casey's Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Dan Slott's Thing, and possibly Warren Ellis' Desolation Jones.

The one new comic I did decide to get is the first ish of Battle for Bludhaven, since it was pointed out to me that it's biweekly, not bimonthly, which makes a hell of a lot more sense, and Palmiotti and Gray have more than enough credit with me for me to take a flyer on a property I don't care about.

Meanwhile, take this short quiz!

How Heroic Are You? (DC Edition)

1. Darkseid approaches you and offers you a share of his empire if you help him gain mastery over the cosmos. Do you:

A) Reject his offer in the name of all that's right and just, then Super-kick him square in the jimmies.

B) Point out that his plan is doomed to failure because in the time it's taken him to explain his scheme you've already worked through Darkseid Takedown Plans A through T, selected and implemented Plan F, and as such even now he's being teleported molecule by molecule back to Apokolips.

C) Use your alien jewelry to conjure up a giant green elephant to sit on him, then sit back and congratulate yourself on a job well done.

D) Accept.

2. Aquaman has gone missing! Where do you start looking for him?

A) The Daily Planet, because the odds are just too high that that dumbtard Olsen accidentally activated the "Aquaman Disintegration Ray" while trying to order sandwiches.

B) Gotham City Reservoir, because it's Tuesday, which means someone's trying to poison it.

C) Sector 2337, because you hear it's nice and you've always---hey! What's this shiny thing?

D) Wherever Kurt Busiek was last seen (Hi, Kurt!)

3. It's One Year Later after an Infinite Crisis, which makes no sense when you think about it because you can't have anything "after" infinity, but we'll go with it anyway. What are you up to?

A) Getting in touch with your non-powered self, lamenting the fact that you no longer can entertain power fantasies about vaporizing Olsen with heat vision.

B) Still cleaning up after every goddamn freak in the city, like nothing's changed aroung this place except now Gordon's back and they apparently STILL haven't put a lock on the Asylum door.

C) Destroying government property, violating international treaties, getting a contract put out on you, getting captured by the enemy state, and subjecting your friends to P.O.W. treatment because you're an arrogant jackass who refuses to wear your alien jewelry in the cockpit.

D) Still wondering why exactly you bought into a 2,344 issue plot hammer just so a certain comics company could make everyone "nicer", except for the people they killed.

4. You've got 10 seconds to decide between saving Earth and saving the love of your life. What do you do?

A) Save Earth, because you're reeeeeealllly hoping that whole "fly backwards around the planet to go back in time" trick hasn't been retconned out of existence.

B) Save Earth, because in your experience sidekicks grow on trees, and you've even got a decent chance of them coming back to life anyway.

C) Man, I could go for some Chinese food right about now!

D) Beg for 10 more seconds every 10 seconds for the rest of eternity, which is certainly no more ludicrous a plan than Superboy "punching" "reality". What does that even mean?

5. What's your favorite sound effect?

A) KRAKOOM! The sound of you just hauling off and socking a baddie right where it counts, or alternatively the sound of you drop-kicking Olsen to Jupiter.

B) THWAKKK! The sound of a scissor kick to the noggin of the next psycho who GOES NEAR THAT FRIGGIN' RESERVOIR, AND DAMMIT THIS TIME I MEAN IT!

C) BONK! You don't know what that sound is exactly, but everytime you hear it you feel groggy and are waking up in a strange place.

D) The sweet, sweet sound of the hype machine turned down to 0.

I'll let you fine folks figure out the scoring system yourselves. :-)


Blogger Randy said...

1. D--Accept. As long as he didnt' want a tithe, like Ming the Merciless does. I'd actually have to sit down and discuss the contract with him, have the lawyers go over it, yada yada yada. Otherwise I'd kick him in the nads.

2. E-- I don't.

3. D-- I bought 17 issues of Not Avengers, what's the diff?

4. C-- Its all about Mongolian Beef and Kung Pao chicken.

5. C-- Bonk. Cuz it..happens...lots to me...

12:27 PM  
Blogger CalvinPitt said...

1. A-Nothing beat a kick to the jimmies.

2. D-Kurt Busiek always has the answers.

3. D-Because I'm an idiot.

4. C-If you replace "Chinese" with "foot-long meatball sub".

5. B-Scissor-kicks are cool.

7:37 PM  
Blogger Mallet said...

The really bad thing is I couldn't tell which lantern you were mocking until the oyl question.

11:43 PM  
Blogger kelvingreen said...

Earth's Mightiest Heroes? Are you insane?

1. B and D. Well, I'd teleport him away and tak ovr tthe universe myself. And I'd kep calling him "Thanos" just to annoy him.
2. E. Looking? For Aquaman?
3. D.
4. C.
5. A.

8:25 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Kelvin: I've only got the first two issues and they seem OK, only I'm not quite sure what the idea behind the mini is yet. Does it get appreciably worse? Or develop a plot?

8:56 AM  
Blogger Shane Bailey said...

I liked Earth's Mightiest Hereos.

It was pretty cool seeing the inbetween times and the decisions that might have linked all those seperate Avengers related events together.

1:53 PM  
Blogger kelvingreen said...

EMH was a series that needlessly modernised the Avengers' origin by simply retelling the Stan/Jack issues, only with the fights taken out and a load of X-Files-lite conspiracy bollocks that would have been out of place even if this was 1995.

I rapidly lost patience with it, especially as it was $3.50 a pop with ads. It may be more worthwhile if you can find it cheap.

3:00 PM  
Blogger kelvingreen said...

But no, it never developed a plot beyond "will the individual Avengers put aside their differences and form a team?" and we know the answer to that.

3:02 PM  

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