Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Mother Of God.

Jeph Loeb and Rob Liefeld are doing a 5-issue Heroes Reborn miniseries in November.

First, go read this:

Are you f#$%ing kidding me?

Just when you thought it was safe to return to comics, having suffered the 90s, they're back.

To those who managed to skip it, Heroes Reborn was the endpiece to an absolutely horrible three-ish years of Marvel Comics, where we had The Crossing, Teen Tony Stark, Dead Reed Richards, and unrecognizable versions of the Avengers, FF, etc. It was DREADFUL.

It was sort of like Marvel's Ultimate universe, where the Image guys were allowed to create new backstories, origins, looks, etc.

The best thing about Heroes Reborn was that it gave way to Heroes Return, which meant that Mark Waid, Kurt Busiek, et al. came to save us all.

The worst thing about Heroes Reborn? I'd say it's a four-way tie between the art, the plotting, the lateness, and the art again.

To be fair, some sort of contribution from the proceeds (I think) is being made to the Sam Loeb Fund, named after Jeph's recently departed son.

I am telling you now: just donate to the charity itself. No good can come of this.

I get that it's going to help the Sam Loeb Fund, which is a worthy cause.

But dear sweet holy Moses, if ever there was evidence that the monkeys are running the zoo over at Marvel, this is People's Exhibit A.

Choice cuts from the article:

"I received a call following the Marvel summit last fall and the guys at Marvel asked if I was interested in participating in this,” Liefeld explained."

Liefeld 1, Common Sense 0.

"Backing up a little, as Loeb explained, Buckley got this particular ball rolling by pointing out that 2006 would be the 10th anniversary of Heroes Reborn, however, it was Liefeld who brought Onslaught into the picture."

Liefeld 2, Common Sense 0.

"For both creators, Onslaught Reborn had to be something…more. Not knocking fifth week events at all, but both Loeb and Liefeld wanted the story to have deep roots and wide ramifications. Case in point – it’s relationship to the larger Marvel Universe are related to the Scarlet Witch’s “No more mutants” line at the end of House of M, and…well, the original Heroes Reborn."

Oh God, it's even going to be in continuity.

“This is taking place right now – it’s not an ‘untold tales’ collection of stories. Onslaught is awakened here and now."

*wham* *wham* *wham*... guess I'll have to get a new keyboard, since this one's got my forehead impressions in it now.

"As Onslaught gets involved, let’s just say that there are other dimensions involved, and, as Franklin gets involved, more rifts in time and space. We’re pulling things out of different places…it gets a little complex to explain without giving it away, but it’s going to be a lot of fun."

This is no doubt Marvel-speak for "We have an idea that'll get us through three issues but we haven't figured out an ending yet."

"One final word on past history – Liefeld said that, over the past ten years, his version of Cap has been watching his carbs carefully, and has slimmed his upper body down, appreciably, referring to one of the artists’ more infamous images from the era."

Thank God. At least there aren't any TPBs of this crap still haunting us out there.

"With this event, Marvel is going to for the first time collect the original stories and release them this fall. C'mon, Jim Lee on the FF? Whilce Portacio doing Iron Man? Ian Churchill on Avengers?"


Can we make this the premise of the next season of 24, where Jack has 24 hours to prevent the release of atrocious comics on an unsuspecting public? I can see him how, pointing a gun at Joe Q, screaming "TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO KNOW! WHERE ARE THE PRINTS?!? WHERE?!? THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF COMIC READERS AT STAKE!"

Oh, and by the way, here's Whilce Portacio's Iron Man:

"Like Rob says, every time, at every show I go to, people bring those comics for us to sign."

It's called irony, Jeph. They're not laughing with you, they're laughing....oh, never mind.

So there. Not only is Marvel bringing back one of the single worst ideas/universes/characters in the last 30 years of comics, they're releasing the trades.

Stupid Marvel.


Blogger Steven said...

Holy Moly!

It's... It's...

I mean, why not just re-do the Clone Saga?

Is this a response to Hush?

Or the All-Star line (which in turn was a response to the Ultimate line)?

Why? That's the question that keeps running through my head. Will it really sell THAT many copies? (sadly, yes)

It's s%^& like this that makes me really, really happy that OYL Superman sold out. It means that there's a market for really well done superhero comics that aren't by "superstar" artists. 'Cause that's where I hope the future lies.

2:18 PM  
Blogger kelvingreen said...

I'm baffled by Marvel's continued confidence in Liefeld.

To be fair, some sort of contribution from the proceeds (I think) is being made to the Sam Loeb Fund, named after Jeph's recently departed son.
Something about this strikes me as really icky, as if they know it won't sell unless they attach Sam Loeb's name to it.

2:30 PM  
Blogger Spencer Carnage said...

This might get me crucified, but I've always liked Portacio's art. The Heroes Reborn stuff by the Wildstorm guys was always something that I wanted to check out and now I can. Thanks, Chris!

2:38 PM  
Anonymous Chuck T. said...

In the interest of fairness: I thought the last four issues of Heroes Reborn, the Wildstorm crossover, had some decent moments. Although I think young James Robinson wrote those. And Rob Liefeld and Jim Lee weren't involved.
This Counter Earth business has been problematic every time Marvel brings it up. (Remember the old 70's version from Warlock, the one created by the High Evolutionary? Of course you don't, because it sucked!) You'd think people would notice a spare planet, especially one conquered by Doctor Doom. And what, he just left it? Got bored and went home?
The only high point: this does look like actual superhero stuff; rather than a lot of the grim, unmasked stuff of the last few years. Think old Cap or Daredevil stuff, where you saw the hero unmasked maybe half a page an issue. Now, you're hard pressed to remember the last time you saw them in full costume.

2:44 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Spencer: Then for the love of God, go get the original issues (Lord knows they're found in just about every single back issue/quarter bin I've ever seen), and don't buy the trade, which will only encourage more of this nonsense. Just trying to help, man.

Chuck: Good point about the actual superhero stuff. Unfortunately, I have zero confidence that it'll be good superhero stuff.

3:56 PM  
Blogger CalvinPitt said...

This makes me want to put my head through my computer desk. The only thing from that whole "Heores Reborn" thing I evenly remember slightly fondly was when Silver Surfer came to earth (the original one) and was real mad for some reason. And the only heroes left to stand against him are. . . Spider-Man and Daredevil. They launch an attack, and it goes about as well as you'd expect it would.

I think the Surfer was so embarassed he simply left New York. Other than that, this is bringing back crap from that time I was reading comics. And it's doing a good job of making me feel smart for that decision.

4:42 PM  
Blogger kelvingreen said...

The only thing I liked about Heroes Reborn was the idea that Reed, Doom, Stark and Banner were all buddies in college.

7:05 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

So these are REALLY this bad? Ive seen a few issues of Cap and Avengers and they were shocking, but i dont know - FF and IM didnt seem too bad.. I missed that entire period though. Thats when our comic shop shut down and i was put off the things for a while..

11:27 PM  
Blogger Randy said...

Well, I can say for the first time here, that I have absolutely no comment because I was out of comics for about 10 years- and completely missed out in Heroes Reborn.
When Chris first mentioned it, I had this extremely dumbfounded look on my face. Well fine, more dumbfounded than usual.
However, based on what I've read nowadays, I have little desire to read these, though maybe I"ll "pick up the trade" to have a look see. Hahahahaha. But man, looking at some of those pictures from that whole "series", it looks like dog poo.

3:05 AM  
Blogger Ragnell said...

RIP Marvel Comics 2005.

I shall never forget PAD's first run of X-Factor.

4:23 AM  
Anonymous Vincent J. Murphy said...

Maybe Marvel can be convinced to do a different kind of fund raising, like "Donate to the Sam Loeb fund or we will release this comic."

I'd pony up for that.

7:49 AM  
Blogger Jake said...

How many times are retailers and reader going to get the Sam Loeb guilt trip? Jeph Loeb personally called the owner of the store where I shop to ask him to please purchase a few extra copies of the Superman/Batman issue his son wrote because the proceeds were going to the Sam Loeb Fund.

I just fear that every piece of shit Loeb craps out from now on will reflect on store owners who only order 12 copies as people who hate cancer patients and don't want them to get better.

5:22 PM  
Blogger kelvingreen said...

Exactly, I don't want to ascribe significance to the fact that Marvel are releasing a bunch of comics that will most likely be utter shite as fundraisers for a cancer charity, but it really does look like they're trying to guilt-trip people into buying filth.

5:37 PM  
Anonymous fin fang doom said...

Why doesn't Marvel ever learn it's lesson? How many times now is it that Marvel re-hired Liefeld after firing him because he's so horrible? Do they not remember that half-way through the original Heroes Reborn Liefeld was doing such a horrible job that they fired him and handed the whole thing over to Jim Lee? Why would you make a mini-series based on a time period nobody likes by creators that you fired because they were making those comics that nobody liked? (insert primal scream)

Never mind the fact that the Heroes Reborn universe was destroyed at the end of Heroes Reborn: The Return, and Counter-Earth was moved into the 616 Marvel U along with all the remaining characters like the girl Bucky.

I find it funny that they're basing the decision to do this off of the AOA miniseries from last year that wasn't very good, and wouldn't have sold nearly as well if retailers didn't have to place orders for all the issues before the first one came out.

9:10 PM  
Blogger kelvingreen said...

Perhaps it's a double-bluff and they're going to fire Liefeld half way through again. Lee's on an exclusive with DC, or is otherwise too busy, but they've got Silvestri, and he's much the same.

7:13 AM  

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